I think people still read this so maybe I should write something. I'm thinking about leaving the ministry. I'm so discouraged right now. I love my church and the people that I serve. I don't really like the KM and how they function - doing what they seem is best for themselves. They found a new EM pastor who is a 1.5 generation Korean - more Korean speaking than English. They did this without consulting anyone in EM. This was after a meeting with EM leaders and a promise of more communication. Its not a good way to build confidence in the new pastor starting. A lot of people are considering leaving, myself included. My reasoning is a bit different. I feel I don't have the confidence of the Senior Pastor and the elders. They told me this new pastor is coming in to take over the EM and youth ministry. I would be 'helping' the pastor in youth ministry. AND I get a paycut for all the years of hard work and dedication to the Youth group and the EM. Great isn't it? You wonder why pastors are so often burnt out. Its crap like this that burns them out. I'm finding that the KM leaders don't actually care about the younger generation. They hire pastors that are studying and eventually after they finish their schooling they move on. There's no stability for them. And because they are temporary they don't put much thought into the ministry. Its sad. When I started my goal and scope was for the youth. I've done that without any help from the KM. NO ONE except one or two people from the KM leadership has helped me in any way. I've learned from people outside the church. The KM leadership has no interest in investing in me. Its sad and sounds harsh but its the truth. The ministry for EM and the younger KM is suffering badly. They are all going to bigger churches. Its a sad state of affairs. I'm sure its not only at my church but a lot of smaller churches as well. There seems to be nothing left for me at this church. Its a struggle though. I love my youth kids and I love my EM. I really love the younger KM people especially those I went to missions with. They are so preciousl to me. I hate the Bureaucracy of the church and how it stagnates ministry. Its not the way a church should be run.
I haven't been on this thing for a long time. It's been a busy month. I've been thinking and thinking about evangelism lately. I'm realizing more and more how much people at work mean to me. 99% of them do not go to church. How can God use me? Slowly the answer is being revealed to me: just be yourself. I've gotten to know most of the people in my department. They are great people. My boss is actually a Christian and there is another co-worker who is a Christian as well. Work was work but now its so much more. God use me! More to come...
On March 3, 2008 my dear grandmother passed away. She held on until my parents and my uncle and aunt could make it from Canada to Chicago. She was an amazing woman and I miss her a lot. But I know that she's in heaven right now dancing with Jesus and having the time of her life. It will be amazing when I see her again. This is my absolute favourite photo of my grandma and my grandpa. This picture pretty much sums up my grandmother. She loved life. She loved the people in her life especially her family. She was always smiling and always laughing. She was relentless in prayer and she would pray for each one of her kids, grandkids and great grandkids by name. I miss you grandma. I love you!
What is it? So I am in this small group at church and the topic is truth. How do you define truth? Good question huh? Some people from my church went to the Truth Project which is put on by Focus on the Family. We had our first meeting and it was pretty intense. The thing that struck me most is that I can't define it. I went to seminary, grew up in the church and yet I can't define it. Very humbling. Another thing that really struck me is their definition of it. Ravi Zacharias defined it but he was so technical in his terminology. Hahaha. I ended up scratching my head and thinking, "Huh?!" The definition that was easy to understand was the truth is God's perception of reality. How He sees the world is truth. Our truth is distorted because the way we experience reality is distorted. God is God and the way He sees the world is not distorted. So how do we see the world through God's eyes? I found this a very profound definition. Its making me think a lot. I am excited to see where this goes.
